Een kort verhaal van Caro Vissers

Witches aren’t very common here, nor are they appreciated. That’s why I have to tinker with my potions on a safe distance from the city, far in the woods. While I was making a new batch of rat poison, a small shadow flashed near my window. It scared me for a moment, so I decided to get up and see what it was. Maybe a lost bird or a black cat?
Nothing. I searched the whole room, but I didn't see or hear anything. I remember thinking it might’ve been a trick of the light, or something outside, when I heard a small knock on my bedroom door.
Now let me explain something about myself. I have autophobia, also known as monophobia. This means that I’m scared to be alone, which can either mean ‘alone’ without love, or physically being alone in a room. I fall in the latter category.
Whenever I’m alone I have this feeling that something will come out and scare me. Every little sound around me will make me jump, and I have the intense urge to run for my life. Which is wonderful since, well, I live in a cottage in the woods. Alone.
That knock scared me out of my wits. I stood there, frozen, unable to move or speak. I live alone. That bedroom has only one entryway, and I was staring at it right now. But the thing that scared me the most was that it seemed like the knock came from this side of the door.
I tried to calm myself down. Maybe I’m imagining things? But then I heard a little creak on the other side of the room, as if someone placed their foot there. I know every creak and squeak in this house, and this wasn’t one of them. I guess once you’re scared of something, you’ll start to get familiar with it.
“Hello.”
I turned my head so fast, I almost snapped my neck in half. I completely froze and almost fainted. On the other side of the room stood a small child, about seven or eight years old. She had blood red hair, blue clothes, and was about as tall as my waist. She was staring at me with her big eyes.
“Hello. Me is Shiru. Shiru came to scare. Are you scared?”
“You—what are you doing here?!”
“Scare. Didn’t Shiru tell? Shiru came to scare. Are you scared?”
“No—yeah, you told me.”
“Then why ask if already know?”
My fear made place for annoyance. What was this kid talking about? And what was she? I had never seen anyone like her.
“Shiru is Ashkoi.” She kept staring at me. “Ashkoi is Spirit of Fear. Ashkoi help people get over fears.”
“You can read minds?!”
“No.”
“Then how did you know—”
“Done this before. Million times. They always ask what Shiru is. Shiru is Ashkoi. Ashkoi is Spirit of—”
“Yeah, I got it, thanks. You’re a demon, trying to scare me—”
“Not demon. Ashkoi. Demons are meanies. Ashkoi not.”
It kept getting weirder and weirder. I had never heard of Ashkoi. She kind of creeped me out, appearing in my house and starting to talk about my fears and stuff. Well, that was to be expected of a ‘Spirt of Fear’.
She went over to the couch and sat down. I looked at the mess in my house and sighed. There were cups, cauldrons, and herbs everywhere. A few rats were scrawling in the corner. I tried to clean up a bit, since it was quite embarrassing.
“Alright, you’re an Ashkoi.” I threw some herbs in the bin. “Could you maybe explain what that is in more… detail?”
She still stared at me with her big eyes, but now she had a huge smile on her face.
“Oh, exiting part!” She said it as if she was very excited, yet she used the most monotone voice ever. “Already said, Ashkoi is Spirit of Fear. Ashkoi helps you not be scared anymore. You scared of something, right? Well, Shiru help. What you need?”
I thought of all the times when I was scared. Running around the house, freezing when I heard a sound, trying to shower without leaving the curtains a tiny bit open… life wasn’t great at the moment. But did I really want this demon child to help me?
“Oh, me? I’m not scared of anything, you must have the wrong person!”
I tried a brave smile, but I think it looked more like a painful grimace. However, the corners of Shiru’s mouth turned down. “You lie. Shiru knows, otherwise, Shiru was not here. Shiru only here because you scared. People who not scared can’t see Shiru.”
Defeated by a child. Again.
To be honest, deep down, I wanted Shiru’s help. I needed it. But I didn’t know how she wanted to do this, and I’m a witch. I’ve seen my fair share of dark magic. This child didn’t seem very trustworthy. But then again, it seemed like she was already bound to me. I can’t really explain this to non-magic users, but I just knew at that moment that there was nothing I could do to get rid of her.
I placed the last cauldrons in the closet. “Alright, you win. I don’t know how you want to do this, but we can try.”
“Yippie!” That monotone voice again. “Now, Shiru explain. Shiru will scare. You will not get scared. Everyone happy.”
“I’m afraid that I don’t understand you.”
“Not understand? Alright. Shiru will show.”
She turned into a small tuft of smoke. It was black, with little grey and white. This must’ve been the shadow I saw earlier! I thought to myself. After dancing around the room a little bit, the shadow disappeared.
Suddenly, the fridge swung open. It scared me half to death. Then, before I could get myself together, I saw the shadow of a man out of the corner of my eye. I turned around, only seeing an empty wall.
I started screaming. “Alright! I get it, I get it! You want to scare me, but please, stop!”
Shiru appeared again, right in front of me.
“You understand? Wonderful. Start for real then?”
“That was not for real? What was it then?! You almost gave me a heart attack!”
“Oh.”
I crossed my arms and sighed. I was getting more and more annoyed. But deep down I did realise that while she was in her human form, I felt more at ease. Which annoyed me more.
I just didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to face my fear, especially when she made it worse. This was over the top, doing all those things at once, when I know they’re not natural.
She was staring at me again. I shook my head.
“Alright, let’s make a deal.”
Shiru suddenly looked very happy, but when she started talking, it was with the monotone voice again.
“Deal? Amazing! Shiru always wanted to do deal. Tell me deal.”
“We’re not starting so extreme. Please, start out with little sounds once in a while. If you do it like that, it’ll be more real, and I’d actually believe you.”
“Oh. But not fun for Shiru.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Aren’t you supposed to help me?”
“Yes. Alright. We do less fun.”
Shiru turned into a tuft of smoke again, danced around the room, and she was gone. I listened for a while, but didn’t hear anything. I decided to continue my rat poison, since it would help if I would just go on with my life. I also really wanted those rats gone.
A knock. It was quiet, but I heard it. And then a small creak. Then silence.
I felt myself getting scared again. I thought it would’ve helped me, knowing that it was just a small child trying to ruin my day. It didn’t.
The knocks and creaks kept coming. Sometimes I heard a soft whistle, or a whisper. I tried to stay calm, but it was hard.
After a few hours, Shiru appeared again.
“How did Shiru do? Was Shiru scary?”
I smiled. “Yes Shiru, you were very scary.”
“Yippie! Shiru did good job! Shiru scared friend!”
To be honest, I was getting fond of this monotone-speaking child. Yes, she tried to scare me on purpose, but she did it in de cutest way possible. And she just called me her friend. Bonus points!
Shiru silently stared at me again, but not as intensely as before. She looked like she might pass out with lack of sleep.
She yawned. “Do you want Shiru go scare again? Or do you want break? Shiru can do break.”
I smiled. “Are you tired?”
“No, no. Shiru never tired. Shiru strong Ashkoi.” She yawned again.
“Sure, Shiru, but you do know that being strong has nothing to do with being tired, right? Even the strongest Ashkoi need some nap time once in a while.”
“Kay.”
I don’t know how she managed it, but she fell asleep. While standing.
While gently laying her on the couch, I wondered how she could look so peaceful while sleeping. You’d think a ‘Spirit of Fear’ would be quite scary all the time?
I chose to get some sleep as well. It had been a long day.

When I woke up, I went straight to see Shiru. Luckily, she was still there, and not trying to creep me out this early in the morning.
“Hello. Shiru had good sleep. Did you have good sleep?”
“A very good sleep! How are you doing?”
“Good.”
“Alright then, shall we start again after I’ve had my morning coffee?”
“Sure. Can Shiru have coffee too?”
I wasn’t sure if that was a good plan, so I gave her a glass of apple juice instead.
“Shiru like this! This good!”
“You like it? Great! I’ve made it myself. Apple juice with a tiny bit of magic, so it tastes even better!”
To be honest, the ‘magic’ part was me removing all the sugar from the juice. I don’t think caffeine or sugar is a good idea for someone who is about to haunt your house. I’d like to keep it intact.
“So, Shiru. Perhaps you’d like to tell me more about yourself? I barely know anything about you!”
“Shiru is Ashkoi.”
“Yes, you told me. But is there something beside that?”
Silence.
She lowered her head and stared at her knees. “Shiru doesn’t know. Shiru woke up one day and was Ashkoi. Shiru went to scare people. Shiru has done that for lot of years.”
I frowned. “So… you don’t have any family?”
“No.”
To be honest, that made me kind of sad. Her only job was to scare people. She didn’t have a home, or family, or friends to rely on, except those who she started to haunt. And I had a feeling not everyone was happy with Ashkoi.
Shiru was staring at me again. “And you?”
This question snapped me out of my thoughts.
“Me?”
“Yes. You. Why you live here?”
I didn’t know how to answer this question, but I tried my best.
“Well, I’m a witch. Witches aren’t very appreciated here. When I turned 16, my parents gave me away. You see, 16 is the age when a witch is grown up. They can finally start developing their magic at this age. And it is also the time when you can actually tell they’re a witch. So my parents kicked me out of the house, and I’ve lived in this cottage ever since.”
Shiru stared at her glass with apple juice.
“Well. Shiru thinks you amazing. You made good drink.”
“Not everyone thinks the same though.”
“Well, Shiru not care. You take good care of Shiru. Shiru like you. A lot.”
Couldn’t say I didn’t tear up a bit when she said that.
I smiled. “Hey, Shiru, do you want to start again?”
“You sure?”
“Yes, I think so.”
And she turned into smoke again.

We spent the next few weeks in each other’s company. Shiru would often re-appear again to sleep, but most of the time she was trying to scare me. I went on with my life: brewing potions, making spells... even when I did groceries, or while I was searching for ingredients, Shiru came along, trying to imitate the forest, or help me with gathering ingredients.
“You sure you want Shiru come with you in forest?”
“Why not? See it as a little time-out, you don’t have to scare me all the time.”
We walked into the forest together. Shiru looked around curiously.
“Shiru likes this. Shiru never done this.”
“You mean grabbing ingredients?” I picked up a mushroom, trying to detemir if it was poisonous or not. “Is it because you’ve never helped another witch with their fears before?”
“Yes. Shiru never helped witch. So Shiru never grabbed ingredients from forest.”
I tried to climb over a boulder, reaching for a rare herb I’ve never seen before.
“How many people have you helped exactly?”
“Shiru already told. Millions.”
“You mean you weren’t joking?” I snatched the herb and turned to look at her. “How old are you exactly?”
“Shiru don’t know.”
“You don’t know how many years you’ve been on this planet?”
“No. Shiru knows it was long time ago. Not how long.”
So that means she might be a thousand years old, if not older. I was curious if she has ever helped famous people, but I decided not to ask. She probably didn’t even know they are famous.

This went on for a few days. I started to feel better about my autophobia. At first, I was still scared, but Shiru helped to remind me that the sounds I used to be scared of were completely normal. They were part of the house and part of the forest, and I should treat them that way.
Then, one day…
“Shiru, it worked!” I danced around the room like a happy child. “I think it worked! I’m not scared anymore!”
Silence.
“Shiru, come out now, it’s okay! It worked! You were right!”
Silence.
And that was when I realised she was gone.
I wasn’t afraid anymore. I didn’t need an Ashkoi to help me get over my biggest fears. Shiru was already on her way to help someone else, and I was all alone again.
Yet it didn’t scare me. I got used to all the little sounds around the house and started to associate them with Shiru. Who knows, maybe she has been away for longer than I thought. Maybe she left yesterday, when I laughed at the little squeak that I assumed was Shiru, imitating a mouse. Or the day before, when I smiled when the door suddenly slammed shut. Who knows, that could’ve been the wind.
I wiped a tear from my face and sighed.
It didn’t scare me. It made me incredibly sad.